My neighbor at the table looks at me with round eyes. The Prosecco glass only makes it halfway to her mouth. She freezes for a moment. "The little one is still asleep with you?" she asks after a short moment of collecting her thoughts and puts the glass down. No more fun. A hippie mom needs to be talked into it. She thinks. In a wine-soaked mood, I had forgotten the most important of all small talk rules at this dinner with friends of friends: Don't talk about politics, religion - and your child's sleeping habits. Too late. For the next half hour, I listen to a monologue about independence and men falling short, about being spoiled and about discipline. No wonder the Prosecco isn't far away when mothers get together. I think. Meanwhile, my counterpart announces like a fanfare that her little one was moved into her own room at the age of three months and that after a few nights of crying (first from the child, then from mom), peace quickly prevailed. Until eight in the morning. My glass is now empty. At this moment over dinner, I'm very happy with our sleeping habits. My child sleeps in his own bed in the parents' bedroom. At night, he climbs over at some point. I've had these conversations so often. I talk about people who are herd animals, about societies in which people sleep in shared hammocks for years and about the happiness I feel when my daughter comes snuggled up at night. Sometimes she smacks a "Mamaaa" half asleep and it sounds so contented that I find it hard to fall asleep again from the warmth around my heart. It's nights like these. But there are also others. When we fight over the blanket, I suddenly have little feet on my face or one of us is in the mood to chat. Around four. That's very rarely me. And yet I appreciate the nice moments more than I would want to change anything about this constellation. Because it suits me and my family better than any training sessions. And because I'm pretty sure that I'll spend many, many more nights in bed without this cuddly baby. Maybe I'll miss this time then. But maybe I'll also be glad to have my bed to myself again. But there is one thing I don't have to reproach myself for: Not having enjoyed our nightly closeness properly.
If the subject of sleep is causing you restless nights, I would recommend an appointment with Susanna Fischer from the Stadelhofen family practice in Zurich. Ever since I attended a PEKiP course with her with my daughter, I have been a fan of this competent woman, who gives pragmatic and clever advice on cry babies, parenting and sleep. What I find interesting about her approach is that it is about so much more, such as separation and self-regulation. One of the most important lessons I took away from her is that as a mother, I need to be confident in my attitude. Then it will be fine. At least that's how I've memorized it. These are all complex areas, and this short interview only offers a brief insight into them.
Can every child learn to sleep (through the night)?
Yes, every child can. It should always be sufficiently nourished. Babies with a failure to thrive usually first have to learn to eat more during the day. The child should fall asleep on its own, you should not give a sleeping aid that is no longer available at night and has to be demanded by crying. Self-regulation during the day is also important. The child should always be in a calm and relaxed, parasympathetic state. Around 80% of all sleep disorders are due to regulation disorders. A sign of too much daytime sleep is often when children are in top form at night and want to play.
What to do if the child comes into the parents' bed every night,
but I don't want him to?
There can be many reasons for this: It usually has to do with too little undivided attention and closeness during the day, which the children demand at night. But it also has to do with jealousy when a sibling is born, or with fears that the child processes at night during dream sleep. This is a question that always needs to be looked at very individually in order to do justice to the child and the parents.
What do you think of the family bed concept?
The family bed is the right decision for each individual family. However, if just one family member doesn't feel comfortable or can't really sleep well, it no longer makes sense.
The child delays falling asleep forever,
with drinking, singing, talking - what to do?
The family should use the twenty minutes after dinner as time together. This means giving the child lots of bonding, closeness, care and attention before they fall asleep. Simply by listening, physical contact, you can do a puzzle, light a candle, listen to music, draw. The child should calm down and get the closeness that it no longer needs to demand afterwards. As a mother or father, I can then say with a clear, inner attitude and certainty: "Now you're asleep, you've had everything you need."
Nice things for nap time
Cute sleep shirt for babies
Creates its own quiet space, not just in the parents' bedroom or when siblings share a room
Gives even sleepy mothers something sophisticated
He swims into bed with you ...
Well covered is half the battle
